Contrary to the popular belief among my High School buddies and most of my class, my only reason for attending classes was to get a date. Think about it: it’s high school. All the girls will be walking the halls between classes – plenty of time to ask and get rejected or accepted. Most of the time it was a flat-out rejection combined with a warning to avoid asking again. Here’s what I learned, rejection hurts and it’s ok because when a certain girl smiles with a “yes” you forget all the rejections, it’s going to be a fun time at the movies. Unbeknownst to me, at the time I was learning how to handle rejection, while developing my social and storytelling skills with an added intro to statistics: because out of every ten asks, one will say yes.
It was during my senior year when I decided to take a class designed to develop one’s public speaking skills. At the time I was looking for an easy elective, one with no homework, a fun class. How hard could it be? I already experienced enough rejection and embarrassment in my efforts to find a date every weekend, while honing my storytelling skills; it was a perfect opportunity to acquire credits, have some fun without pesky homework assignments and maybe learn a thing or three.
The first day in class our teacher said two things:
- It will take many hours of practice to develop your own speaking style.
- Public speaking is one of the greatest fears among men and women.
This second statement was a little confusing because upon hearing it, at least three other fears quickly dashed through my mind. Facing danger / death, loss of a loved one and loneliness, (the kind where you are in a crowd and still feel alone and hopeless). Well, fear of public speaking ranks in the top five.
I was hooked: this is a great opportunity for a young man with a burning desire to stand out from the crowd. Little did I know it would turn into a lifelong journey with many opportunities to experience success, meet famous people and provide income.
During my first college semester in the early 1970s the opportunity to continue my quest to develop my public speaking skills and conquer one of man’s greatest fears was again offered. Sign me up!
The first statement out of the instructor’s mouth was “Public speaking is one of man’s greatest fears,” and “You will learn techniques on how to overcome the fear of public speaking.” Déjà vu, all over again! The first thing through my mind was how does this compare to some of my high school buddies soaking their asses in a rice patty over in Vietnam. Thinking fear of public speaking is a distant number five.
There are 13 types of speeches and some of the components do overlap; for example all types of speeches must be entertaining. Audiences are looking to be entertained as well as informed otherwise you struggle to keep their attention. There are 3 main entertaining speeches:
The Pitch, where the speaker is trying to convince prospective buyers to part with their money to receive benefits from your products or services. One of my favorite shows “Shark Tank” is a good example of The Pitch. Motivational (or inspirational), this type of talk is designed and presented to move the audience to take action toward a worthy goal. This is one of my favorites because it fits my storytelling style and (thank goodness), I have lived long enough to amass some good stories and of course there are plenty of good stories to retell from the public domain. A great true story or even a story loosely based on fact told with flair and style will always leave the audience wanting more.
For this article, let’s focus on my favorite, the one with the most fear: The Impromptu.
Impromptu Speech, as the name implies, offers zero time to prepare, zero time to rehearse and the most fear and stress generating of them all. It is also the most rewarding (in my opinion) as well. With great risk comes great reward, it is the hardest to master, so much intimidation, fear and embarrassment, compared to the “cake walk” of a Sales Pitch Speech, the Impromptu has put an end to many a promising public speaking career.
The first thing to learn on your way to conquering the fear of The Impromptu is to realize as you develop your speaking skills, someone is going to remember how good they felt after hearing one of your prepared talks and ask you at the worst time to stand up and address an audience who is waiting for something good and entertaining.
One way to master The Impromptu is to build a library of entertaining stories and learn to deliver them in a seemingly impromptu manner, which was advice from my college instructor.
On the surface, this advice sounds good, and makes sense. It is also a trap; your mind is going to go blank and the moment is gone. The best way to conquer the Impromptu is to take an Improv Class or join an Improv club and always accept the challenge when called upon. Trust me, it’s better than shying away. The embarrassment from a lackluster Impromptu is greatly exaggerated in your mind and the content will soon be forgotten by the audience. What they will remember is your courage and you will be called upon again. Shy away and you send a signal to everyone you want to avoid addressing an audience. Even lackluster Impromptu speeches lead to more opportunities to accept invitations to give a talk: one where you can prepare, practice. and negotiate a fee.
So, let’s say you need to develop your public speaking skills and conquer one of life’s biggest fears perhaps to present better at your job or turn Pro. A good place to start: join The Toastmasters, a speaking club open to the public with a global presence – none in your area, start one, search online. There are plenty of speaking classes offered through your nearby university or community college. I have taken the Dale Carnegie course twice and highly recommend it. This course taught me how to bridge: the art of seamlessly bridging from a subject you know little about, to one you have earned the right to speak about. It emphasizes the dreaded Impromptu, which allows a person the opportunity to concentrate and master it. Learning to improvise from a good program dedicated to this subject is an excellent way to conquer The Impromptu Talk. Finally: hire a good coach and begin your journey. A good coach will have a structured program, keep you on track and make sure you reach your goals
My college instructor kept his promises: he required every student to give a speech from each one of the 13 types, gave us stress-relieving techniques to practice prior to taking the stage, and taught us how to utilize our surroundings. It was all good information and only scratched the surface of possibility. In order to master public speaking, one must take the stage an endless number of times in front of diverse audiences. Stay away too long and you will lose your edge; stop rehearsing or take your hard-earned skills for granted and you will be embarrassed. It’s Ok: similar to any other activity there is some “muscle memory.” Get back to it and your skills will quickly return. More importantly: the high – the jubilation one feels from performing and giving a great talk is the best feeling a speaker can experience, especially when your talk ends with a standing O.
Now, I am a storyteller and it would be remiss of me to end without sharing a couple of good stories. One of my best talks could have been one of my most embarrassing. It was during the finals of my first Dale Carnegie public speaking course. The final challenge was to give a talk, your choice of the 13 types, to an audience of approximately fifty people, some known, most were strangers. Students would draw straws to see who goes first. Most wanted to avoid being first to take the stage. I was somewhere in the middle and with each speech the pressure was mounting. They were all good: the bar was set higher with each speaker.
I negotiated the steps with just the right amount of energy and faced the audience with a slight smile with the fly of my pants down. Yep, zipper completely down, wide open. Everyone’s eyes locked in on me. My first thought was good eye contact. I started to speak and the audience began to laugh and I thought oh good I’m entertaining. Finally making eye contact with a friend who signaled with a bouncing index finger I looked down at my crotch. Now the audience is all eyes on me and waiting to see if I was going to walk off the stage. With just the right amount of pause, I zipped up my fly and said, with my head bobbing up and down coupled with a tight-lipped smile, “WOW, that could have been really embarrassing.” The audience cracked up with laughter and I continued my talk feeling pretty good. An interesting thing happened after the judges declared the winner: I earned the second spot. So many audience members wanted to shake my hand and congratulate me on how I handled the open fly. Just out of curiosity I asked a few people if they remembered the subject of my speech which was to motivate them into some physical activity to overcome their worries. The sooner they take action the faster their worries will be replaced with solutions. Very few remembered anything on the subject, they just had a good laugh. Lesson learned; one can be too entertaining to the point where the subject gets lost in the laughs. My handling of the fly debacle earned me a solid second place and positive comments from the judges to the audience during the feedback session on how to handle potentially embarrassing situations.
Stand-up comedy is one of the hardest things to accomplish in the realm of public speaking and entertainment. It can be a challenge to make your audience laugh at your humor. So, I decided to take on this challenge and went to an open mic at a local bar. It went well and the owner asked me to return and he would pay me fifty dollars. Again, it went well, I added a few more funny stories, surprised at the laughs from a larger crowd. On my third time, it was less than good, with fewer laughs and I was thankful to end it. The good news of the evening, there was a member of the audience looking for someone to audition for a comedy troupe performing a spoof on a Humphrey Bogart murder mystery movie. I got the lead and we had tons of laughs rehearsing and performing over the next 15 Saturday nights. The first three performances attendance was low. Then word spread and it was a packed house until the last performance.
Sadly, the past two years have put a damper on anything requiring an audience, so my speaking and stand-up skills need attention. A friend of mind with a very successful band was playing in town and I asked him for an open mic between sets. It started out with a few laughs and crashed quickly with me getting one too many boos. On the drive home thinking about what I could have done better? I started laughing, they say you haven’t done stand up until you bomb. Public speaking is an amazing journey with tremendous highs and thunderous crashing lows. The secret is to accept the fact that even the best miss the mark or experience an embarrassing event. The only way to success is to keep speaking and performing.
Have Solution/Will Travel.